today we’re going to stray from my typical style of post about political garbage and how my life is slowly falling apart around me as i perfect my brand of self deprecation in the form of comedy, to bring you a format of post that we’ve all grown to “love” thanks to the “peak” of journalism and online media: a list post about my favorite stuff. sit down and enjoy reading a much less organized list of “oprah’s favorite things” and lets get into “things abby doesn’t always hate”.
1: insanely expensive makeup that i don’t need
ah yes, one of the perks of being a female in this male dominated society where i’m constantly looked down upon simply because of the giant boulders on my chest (you didn’t really think i wouldn’t bring something like that up, did you?) is that i can put $200 worth of paint on my face each day with no judgment. but, because of this, i’ve become a slave to our gods here on earth that stock the shelves at ulta. right now as i look into my makeup collection, i have three foundations that i’m currently alternating between that together cost more than i spend on food each month. i just went through and cleared out my lipstick stash but i still have enough to wear a different color each day for at least three months without repeating a color. but do i still go in for more each time i receive my paycheck? you’d better believe it. like, i will probably one day end up selling my soul to urban decay because i love their products so much. for example, for my day to day makeup, i use an urban decay primer, foundation and concealer (naked skin omg), contour stick, and (obvi) the naked eye palette. i’m a slave to airbrushed skinned models with ruby red lips I’M SORRY.
okay this is SUPER BROAD but stick with me. i love funny. i love to make funny, i love to enjoy funny, i love funny people, i love it all. i have spent more time on netflix and youtube watching real deal comedians do their stuff and genuinely look up to a lot of them and envy the ability they have to make others laugh. i also love the more “short form” comedy that comes from my favorite social media platform, twitter. the ability to use only 140 characters to make my literally laugh out loud is impressive. one of my favorite humans in general, but specifically tweeter and youtubers, is Drew Monson (@mytoecold) who has perfected the ability of turning real life depression and self deprecation into relatable content as most all of us are in the same boat. again, not for everyone, but i absolutely love it.
3. musicals in every way, shape, and form
hi yes if you don’t know me, i love musicals more than i’ll ever love any man. i keep a copy of the phantom of the opera in my purse at all times, i can perform “wicked” word for word in the order of the show without missing a beat, and as an old school broadway fan, i knew about “hamilton” before the masses because i loved “in the heights” (sorry, i just need to remind everyone of that occasionally). i love the raw emotion you can feel form listening to the songs in shows that hit hard like “spring awakening” or the joy that comes from dancing around to “mamma mia” and the pain in your stomach from laughing along to “avenue q”. the only downside is that i have no musical ability whatsoever and listening to me try to sing is a deadly experience, so i’ll just stick to performing in my car.
well this is grossly long now so i’ll stop. maybe we’ll continue down this journey again sometime, but more than likely i’ll be educating you on gender neutral bathrooms and women’s rights again here in no time. if you made it this far though, thank you and i’m sorry. go on out and buy yourself a new lipstick, follow me on twitter, and belt out “one day more” and let’s be happy.